On These Pages Are The Stories Of Our Family We Go Together ! Welcome To The World As Viewed Through Our Eyes
Lynette .......... Caedmon .......... Libby .......... Tom

Monday, July 27, 2009

Letting Go

When I was newly pregnant with Caedmon, I had an incidence of spotting. My OB, being extra cautious, told me to rest all day and come in that evening for a sonogram. My husband, being extra cautious, warned me that I should be prepared for the possibility of miscarriage. Of course, that thought had already crossed my mind oh, 5,000 times! I noticed the spotting early in the morning after Tom had gone to work so I spent a good part of the day lying on my back, drinking water and worrying about my developing baby. By the time Tom arrived home to warn me of possible implications, God had already spoken to me. You see, it was this incident that helped me begin to realize that this baby was not mine but the Lord's. As much as I love my children, God loves them more and I am simply His steward of their precious lives. Of course, Caedmon was fine. I was fine. And 8 or so months later, Caedmon arrived happy and healthy...and he continues to teach me that my life with him will be a continual process of letting go.

I remember my mom explaining the whole "mama letting go" thing to me when I went off to college. I called her a few days after she dropped me off for my freshman year of college and asked her why she didn't seem so upset to leave me there, knowing she wouldn't seem me again for a few months. She explained that she had lots of practice in letting go, beginning with my first time with a babysitter and continuing for preschool, sleepovers at Grandma's, etc. She said that her whole life with me had been a process of letting go and instead of being sad, she was happy that I had made it this far and that she had peace that I would be fine.

So although I have experienced letting go with the early pregnancy scare, leaving Caedmon at a friend's house or in church nursery, today we took it to a whole new level. This morning, I dropped Caedmon off at the zoo for his first day of zoo camp. 3 hours at the zoo with complete strangers! When we signed him up for this adventure (way back in April), I think Tom and I were mainly thinking of the exciting opportunity it would be. A whole week of exploring the zoo and learning about animals. What 3 year old wouldn't think that was fantastic! In fact, Caedmon has been anticipating this since we signed him up. His only other experience with "school" is Sunday mornings at church when he goes to "church school." He loves it and always has great things to tell us about what he's learned. For a long time he confused church school and zoo school and would tell us that he was going to "church at the zoo." Of course, if that were the case, maybe my nerves wouldn't have been so raw this morning!

Yesterday, both Tom and I were having doubts about the wisdom of this venture. I started thinking about the fact that he was going to be there EVERY day for 5 days. He has never spent so much time away from us. And the fact, that we don't even know what exactly they do there. The information I have basically tells us that they learn about "runners, climbers and jumpers" and they take field trips into the zoo. What exactly does that mean??? I have never met the teachers or the other children. What was I thinking? Alas, I realized that my best bet was to pray - to pray for Caedmon, for his teachers and the other students and for Tom & me as we continue learning to let go. Something about the whole experience had me quite teary when I dropped him off this morning (he didn't notice), but for him, after an extra kiss, he was off to enjoy his day at the zoo.

When he bounded out of his classroom with a huge smile, exclaiming "a zookeeper showed us a snake!", I was reminded that my boy is always in the best of hands - God's - and that even though I must learn to let go of my growing boy, God never will.

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